What's Blocking Your Success?
Reflections on the obstacles to (your definition of) success.
Since leaving corporate over five years ago the day to day pace of life is so different than it used to be. Calmer, more ease. A more self attuned pace. There is more time to be alone and fewer meetings (a lot fewer). The work is one to one, rather than large groups. There is more time with the kids to be together in conversation or simply to be en route to a sports practice.
It’s lovely.
It’s the different day to day of more calm that often causes me to question if I’m “successful”. Success in the past came at a cost, it was demanding, intense, exhausting, and while it was financially rewarding and invigorating, it was all consuming. I enjoyed every minute of it and wouldn’t go back to that earlier way for all the money in the world.
It’s the past looking view that often catches me out. Sometimes it whispers to me “you’re not working hard enough” and “if you were really committed you’d put more energy in to things” and “wow, look at how lazy you’re being.”
It’s the contrast that is problematic. As if the difference suggests something is wrong versus something is exactly right.
This article will explore obstacles (such as the one I’ve shared above) about “what is success”. Not only will we change — and therefore what success looks like and feels like, but others do too. Success is a slippery (and often slimly) term. The lessons being shared are an invitation to explore what is shifting for you. Because as we grow and change, it’s important to anchor into what success means for you, because it’s likely that this has changed.
And with that, let’s dive in.
Obstacle One: A Vague Definition of Success (or Borrowing Someone Else’s Definition)
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines success as “the fact of getting or achieving wealth, respect, or fame”. The Cambridge dictionary defined success as “the achieving of the results wanted or hoped for”. Neither of these resonate. The first definition lacks meaningful measures to me. The second definition was silent on success including the journey towards “success”.
How about for you? What about these definitions feels exactly right? And what do you feel yourself saying “no” to?
Whether a definition resonates or no, no matter! These definitions, even though lacking, can help us see what success isn’t, because what isn’t true, can be a starting point to define what success is for you.
Equally, one can scroll Instagram and see so many definitions of success. Some will feel warm and cozy, many will not. What matters, Dear Reader is that you know what success means to you.
Remove any roadblocks so you know what success means, in as clear as terms as possible, to you.
Obstacle Two: Believing Success is (Only) A Destination.
Many of my clients know viscerally long and hard days. Corporate life can be grueling. All consuming. It’s a life of sacrifices and pushing through exhaustion to get a project done or stay on top of responding to endless emails. We’re told this is the price of success.
When I became an entrepreneur I soon realized that a working day could be lovely. And that was because I could make it so. I no longer needed to subscribe to a version of success that ignored the road to a goal. This doesn’t mean every day is or will be awesome, or that there will no longer be seasons of intense work. But what is more true is that on the journey towards your proverbial destination you can make “I am enjoying the journey” as one of your measures of success.
It’s time to release the outdated belief that suggests “no pain, no gain” is how we achieve success. Take a look at whether you equate the slog of work or life to be a measure of working “hard enough”. This belief still runs rampant around me, so sometimes success is about seeing this belief to no longer be valid and setting it down.
Obstacle Three: Success Is A Feeling.
Success will feel good. There is no question there is an element of yummy feelings in success. There has to be. At least in my definition of success.
And, Dear Reader, if you are a human you will have hard days. There will be times of sadness, frustration and disappointment in your day to day. Maybe you’ll even have a season of tricky emotions — I know I have. Do these experiences with all their feels make you unsuccessful? Hell no.
What if success is defined as being able to experience a range of emotions, and for them to all be valued? Or, what if success is defined by if you stop to look after yourself on a hard day? Maybe success is allowing yourself to feel deeply disappointed by how your last launch went rather than pretending it wasn’t — can that be a measure of success? (My Earlier Self didn’t allow herself to feel much at all. It was just too inefficient. #truth)
And for many of us, we need to remember that success can also be a feeling! Allowing an epic day, productive or slow or whatever feels just right — and letting that be enough, a day void of being connected to an objective. This too can be a definition of success.
Obstacle Four: Believing Success is (Only) a Result of Your Habits.
I’m not here to say this is untrue. There are some work habits that contribute to our success. Time Blocking, working “on” my business as well as “in” my business, ensuring I have enough movement breaks in my day are some of my own habits.
But habits alone are not enough. Habits by their very definition put an important practice on autopilot. Like brushing our teeth; we just do it, and rarely stop to question if we should.
Success, however, also means being awake, conscious and engaged in our lives. It’s about being present in the conversations that matter to us. It requires us to be in the discomfort of writing a blog post that isn’t quite right, until it is. It’s about keeping our hearts open and connected to the causes that matter to us. And, sometimes our hearts will crack wide open along the way.
Just like we discern while driving when to use cruise control, and when not to, making habits the be all and end all can take us away from the very juice of life.
Obstacle Five: Success is All Up To You
For much of my life, I’ve taken pride in being self sufficient. If you were to offer me a badge for this I’d wear it. And, daily, I encourage myself to set this belief down because it’s a big obstacle to my success. It’s so isolating!
Let’s start with getting clear that being self sufficient is not the same as believing You Are Enough. You are fully sufficient and whole, sufficiently equipped and able to carry out the work that is yours.
What I am saying is that yes, there is purposeful work that you are here to engage in. But it’s not a sign of defeat, nor is it required that you do it all on your own.
Success is about leveraging your gifts and talents and being the genius that you are and also involving people who have talents beyond or different than yours. Success is about asking for help, or inviting someone to be a conversation partner on an issue you’re working through. Success involves meeting your own needs — be it getting yourself a fitness trainer, or asking the kids to clean up dinner or hiring a coach. It can be an obstacle to require yourself to do it all. And it’s an obstacle to success to beat yourself up for getting help.
Obstacle Six: Thinking The Road to Success Will Be Easy
I share this point (which may feel obvious) because a part of me felt that once I got really clear about what I wanted, and what I could do that felt good and right, that success would come easily (and quickly, and abundantly and….)
Defining success for yourself and working towards it will be met with challenges. Your definition of success won’t necessarily be shared. Others will look at you or ask you questions about your accomplishments looking through the lens of what they define as success.
And, your definition of success may be different from a previously held version. That’s good, and normal. This is simply an affirmation that you are an evolving human being.
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Pursuing success can feel like trying to catch an ultra slimly fish. Difficult to catch. Frustrating. Disappointing. My hope is that these lessons will smoothen the road just a wee bit and that the daily road is as sweet as a the destination.
I’d love to hear what you’re learning about success! Is there a new conscious belief you’ve embraced or one you’ve discarded? Is there someone living a version of success “out there” that is not your own, so much so it’s a beacon for you? I’d love to hear! Please comment below.
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