What If We Befriended Doubt?
what if we made room for doubt? What would change?
Doubt is an extremely common, if not normal part of entrepreneurship. And yet, the relationship that we have with it (and I include myself in this mix) is one of extreme discomfort with it.
And yet, doubt has been around my entire life. So I’ve started to give the following question some thought: “Can we become friends with Doubt?”
This exploration starts with giving doubt a capital “D” and naming her.
To be honest, this post isn’t likely to hold some new found wisdom. It’s just an open and honest inquiry based on an awareness that I know I need a new relationship with Doubt. If she’s normal, and regularly around, it’s time to re-frame things.
What is your relationship to doubt like?
How about you? Have you made peace with doubt?
Is Doubt a friend or a foe? Perhaps a neutral ally.
These musings are shared on behalf of you exploring this question for yourself.
So, let’s dive in, first by exploring what a relationship with doubt might currently look like, and why this might be the exact reason to explore a new way with her.
How long has Doubt been a part of your life?
Scanning back across the years of my life, I see Doubt has always been there. And in my life as an entrepreneur she’s not only been present, she’s also been loud. Her timing is impeccable, always showing up at the most inopportune times.
What if I held a more conscious relationship with Doubt? Would she be quieter or friendlier? And why does she show up in some parts of my life but not all?
Doubt, as an exhausting adversary.
When Doubt shows up, the internal fight begins. Doubt shows in the stories I have lived about who I am and what’s possible (or not) possible for me. The mental war leaves me weary and worn down. And the internal calm I felt moments earlier is gone.
What if we turned towards Doubt and said “No more!” to the fight. Would this free up mental energy? Or what if there was room for Doubt and she was included in the work?
Doubt, as an embodied, whole self experience.
Doubt lives in our minds but also lays claim to our bodily experience. It’s a feeling of wobbliness and instability where each step forward feels tenuous. The heartspace can feel uncomfortable and insecure; we grow small.
Can we have a new way of being in our bodies and hearts that don’t allow Doubt to bowl us over? Can we create more self stability and groundedness to centre us when Doubt knocks? And why is she allowed a full body takeover anyway?
Does Doubt cause you to question your sufficiency?
Doubt, by her nature causes us to pause and wrestle. In so doing we discard ideas, and dismiss our own point of view. She can question the sufficiency of our wisdom and experience as if it bears no relevance. Working with Doubt on your team is akin to having an argumentative and dismissive co-worker.
How can we learn to stay in and with our ideas and wisdom? What’s needed here? How can I claim and stake my own wisdom and honour it even when it feels irrelevant and invaluable? Why does Doubt get so personal?
When Doubt robs us of progress?
Practically speaking, Doubt challenges our ability to create and test ideas. New concepts and ideas are dismissed far too early and shut down the process of discovery. Doubt sets up the the camp of “This-won’t-work” and gets us to start things over, and over and over. Three steps forward and two steps back...
What’s needed to stay in the uncertainty of the new, as in spring when new seeds are planted and we are patient. We tend them until they sprout. How do we learn to live with what is emerging?
Doubt…isn’t she ironic?
Every word written here has been overshadowed by doubt. Doubt says “It will always be this way.” She chirps that it’s impossible to have a life without her around or in a way that’s different. The irony isn’t lost to me, I feel doubt about what’s possible going along this path. But perhaps it’s just par for the course.
I have to wonder anyway.
Can we imagine a New Way?
Here is what I believe is worth exploring: A New Way where Doubt is included, maybe even invited.
And it’s worth saying, because I’ve thought this too: what if the New Way forward had NO doubt at all? Honestly this sounds very appealing.
Yet I can’t help by wonder why she shows up. And if she’s a doorway to wisdom? My intuition says: Talk to her first, then decide if she’s worth having around.
And so, a Practice as a first step forward.
If you’re exploring doubt, then I offer you this practice as a first step and way forward where you allow Doubt to be present. It’s not about changing her, rather this practice is about observing Doubt in action.
Noticing doubt is not the same as getting caught up in her swirl. In fact, it’s about getting a little bit of distance from her.
For the practice here is what you can observe (and note) at the end of each work day in a journal:
When did Doubt show up in your work today?
What did Doubt want you to do/ not do/ avoid/ change etc.? Why?
What was the experience of Doubt in your body?
Try this self-observation practice for at least a week or two and then scan across your entries for patterns.
Don’t forget compassion.
Go easy on yourself. We don’t need to pretend that this inquiry will be easy. Compassion acknowledges that Doubt is an uncomfortable experience and that you’re curious to exploring a New Way.
Change doesn’t happen overnight. And nothing needs “fixing”. So, plan on bringing lots of kindness and compassion to this exploration.
After all, it’s time to see if we can befriend Doubt!
I’d love to learn more about what you’ve discovered about Doubt. Does it have a place in your work and in your life? Why or why not? Please comment below so we can all benefit from one another’s experience.
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